I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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