It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
you had me at cake vodka
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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