Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
