So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
