I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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