oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
honey bunches of taint.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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