plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
