Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
