It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Semen is not good for contacts.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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