I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
