apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I could fuck to npr.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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