Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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