I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Buhtt sex?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
