We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
