Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
one might say we're banned from that church
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
