doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
