So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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