allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I accidentally burped into my bong.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
