If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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