i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
