I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
