i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
