I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Damn victory sex feels great
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
