Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
