I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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