he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
