Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
