That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
foreskin is a definite game changer
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
