the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
