He is such a slut. More and more my type.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
