You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
