I hate all girls vehemently.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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