I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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