I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
