yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
