omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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