you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
