When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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