I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
