apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
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