My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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