It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
