You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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