Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
