Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
