you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
