you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize