my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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