How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
