i think my tv is drunk
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
