Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
