Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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