The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
