you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
