She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
