So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
