i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize