You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
