You don't have asthma, your pregnant
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
