Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
