i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
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I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
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It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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